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Post by stevie annmarie christensen on Feb 17, 2009 18:20:54 GMT -5
stevie annmarie christensen [/size][/color][/b] is wanting to get out of the house.[/font][/color][/i] --------------------------------------------------------------------------[/center] behind infinity says, [/size][/color][/b][/center] hate to say it, reese, but that's how i feel every time you're in my presence. i can't help it anymore. i tried. i tried storing away this bitterness and bitchiness, but why? why should i have to hide a damn thing? i'll just think of it as my way of unleashing. it's safe to say i deserve it. so do you. no, you're actions didn't make it seem that way. honestly, you can't blame me for feeling like it was a total waste of time. look how everything ended, nate. and i'm so thankful for that. so thankful to be one of those people that know you so well. i am. i'm not gonna lie, it's nice to know that it wasn't intentional, but dammit. the very thought of it makes my stomach churn, makes my heart completely fall... even now. and it's not even just you, nate. i'm living under the same fucking roof with the girl who handed you those drinks. the girl who honestly doesn't even deserve me to call her sister. i just don't even know what to say anymore. i wish things hadn't happened the way they did. i wish we hadn't ended the way we did. nate, no -- i mean, yes. of course it mattered.. of course it still does. i have no idea where i would be without you having been there for me through everything. or how much happiness and that unbelievable, indescribable feeling i would have been missing out on. i just... i don't know. i guess it's easier to not think of that.
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Post by nate christopher reese on Feb 17, 2009 20:42:30 GMT -5
ir-reese-istable. [/color][/font] ------------------------------------------------------THESE ARE THE LIPS THAT TASTE NO FREEDOM THIS IS THE FEEL THAT'S NOT SO SAFE THIS IS THE FACE THAT YOU'LL NEVER CHANGE THIS IS THE GOD THAT AIN'T SO PURE .[/color][/font] CURRENTLY:[/color][/font] METALLICA RULES !! ------------------------------------------------------ " ir-reese-istable "[/color][/font] you feel like i'm the goddamn plague and a worthless piece of scum that shouldn't even be here using up this world's oxygen, huh? glad to know i'm thought so highly of by the people that know me the best, it really does wonders for my self-esteem. you tried - HAH, that's a fucking joke. there hasn't been one halfway decent time that i've been around you since we've broken up, and that's not my fault either. sure, i do deserve it, i'll give you that much, but it's been two years, stevie. two. years. are you planning on hating me forever or something? so everything we had, everything i gave, that was a total waste of time according to you. look, i didn't kill anybody or go off and marry your sister or anything. it was unforgivable and i get that, but christ, to say that those three and a half years meant nothing.....well, i'm sorry for wasting your time when you could've spent those three years with someone that you didn't hate the sight of. you being thankful to be that person, wow, there's another joke. you're on a roll, stevie. don't you do that. don't go blaming it on lia. i didn't have to come in, i didn't have to take those drinks, and i sure as hell didn't have to kiss back. it was my fault. not that you give a damn but i wish the same thing. every damn day i wish that. see, this is where i don't get you. first you say it was a waste of time and now you say you don't know where you'd be without what we had. why don't you figure out what you really think and then come talk to me instead of making up all of this bullshit. [/center]
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Post by stevie annmarie christensen on Feb 17, 2009 21:09:58 GMT -5
stevie annmarie christensen [/size][/color][/b] is wanting to get out of the house.[/font][/color][/i] --------------------------------------------------------------------------[/center] behind infinity says, [/size][/color][/b][/center] okay, so not quite that damn dramatic. self-esteem? please. that's already as high as it can be, anyway. hmm, yeah. it might as well be a joke. i never really did try. i'm pretty sure i know how long it's been, thanks. and it's not like i take joy of being a total bitch to you. i don't care what you say, i don't. i just can't get the fuck over it. i'm sorry, i just can't. don't say that. don't make me feel like crap by apologizing for it 'being a waste of time'. what i'm trying to say is that.. the last thing i wanted or even expected was to fall head over heals and then have this interrupting all of those great memories. stop with the fucking sarcasm, nate. i'm not joking around. i am thankful. i'm more than thankful. oh, i'm absolutely blaming it on your precious little lia, too. she doesn't exactly get a best sister ever award for the shit she did then or the shit she does now, for that matter. yeah, it was your fault, but it was her fault too and she has yet to feel an ounce of pity for it. at least you're being a man about it and i can't begin to explain how much higher that puts you. jesus christ, nate. i'm not bullshitting you at all. i'm just on both sides. i don't know. it's not that simple.
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Post by nate christopher reese on Feb 17, 2009 21:33:44 GMT -5
ir-reese-istable. [/color][/font] ------------------------------------------------------THESE ARE THE LIPS THAT TASTE NO FREEDOM THIS IS THE FEEL THAT'S NOT SO SAFE THIS IS THE FACE THAT YOU'LL NEVER CHANGE THIS IS THE GOD THAT AIN'T SO PURE .[/color][/font] CURRENTLY:[/color][/font] METALLICA RULES !! ------------------------------------------------------ " ir-reese-istable "[/color][/font] if it's not that dramatic then what is it? because it seems that damn dramatic to me. if you think my self-esteem is high then you don't know me any better than a stranger does. exactly, you never did once. so now look who's the fuckin' liar. if you don't take joy in it then you should really stop because it's just a pain in my ass. i didn't expect you to just get the fuck over but y'know it's been TWO YEARS (in case you forgot because i really don't think you to remember how long it's been despite what you say). and two years is not exactly what you'd call "getting the fuck over it", that's a long freakin' time. well it's the truth and if the truth makes you feel like crap there's nothing i can do about that. i sure as hell wasn't expecting it either, stevie! i felt the exact same way about you as you claim to have about me! i didn't exactly sit down and say, 'hmm, how about just for shits and gigs i get drunk and screw the sister of the woman i'm head over heels in love with. yeah, sounds like fun, let's do it.' thankful my ass, there's nothing to be thankful for. "my precious little lia", what the hell is that supposed to mean, stevie? look, i'm sure she regrets it and feels bad about it. i mean why wouldn't she? just because she doesn't exactly show it to you doesn't mean she doesn't. it shouldn't put me any higher, i did the same thing she did. yeah, and all i'm still hearing is bullshit. because it is that simple, you either do or you don't. [/center]
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Post by stevie annmarie christensen on Feb 17, 2009 22:03:27 GMT -5
stevie annmarie christensen [/size][/color][/b] is wanting to get out of the house.[/font][/color][/i] --------------------------------------------------------------------------[/center] behind infinity says, [/size][/color][/b][/center] i don't hate you with every fiber of my being. i'm not sitting here wishing for your death to arrive, even if i'm doing a damn good job at convincing you that i just might be. just.. this feeling sucks. i mean, i've been through a lot, you know that. but, this. this shit is by far something i can't even begin to describe. wow, you got one lie against me so far. wanna aim for another? go right ahead, because you aren't going to find one. you can repeat two years all you want. quite frankly, it seems like it's been about four, so i know what you're getting at. if i could finally just push it aside and go about everything normally, then i would. but, i can't. i'm just completely incapable. i'm fully aware that makes me even more of a pain in the ass than i already am, but i guess you're going to have to get over it. i don't even get why you've put up with it this long and you don't just completely avoid my path completely. well, good. because if you had done it that would have been seriously fucked up. i know you didn't mean to, nate. i get that you were drunk, i get that you didn't mean for it to happen. i just can't get over it. are you fucking kidding me? hell no she doesn't regret it. she doesn't give a shit about me, i don't even know why i agreed to live in the same house as her. why wouldn't she? better question, why WOULD she? just because she's my sister doesn't mean she really gives a shit about me. well, it does. fine, you know what? i don't give a shit if you think everything i'm saying is all lies. there is no use in even trying to convince you anything at all, even if it's the truth. i didn't think it was a waste of time, okay? i just didn't want to have to go through this ending.
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Post by nate christopher reese on Feb 18, 2009 1:39:10 GMT -5
ir-reese-istable. [/color][/font] ------------------------------------------------------THESE ARE THE LIPS THAT TASTE NO FREEDOM THIS IS THE FEEL THAT'S NOT SO SAFE THIS IS THE FACE THAT YOU'LL NEVER CHANGE THIS IS THE GOD THAT AIN'T SO PURE .[/color][/font] CURRENTLY:[/color][/font] METALLICA RULES !! ------------------------------------------------------ " ir-reese-istable "[/color][/font] those death stares that you still give me to this day do a darn good job of convincing me otherwise. i understand that, i get that, but letting this get to you after all these years as bad as it does..it's not healthy. guess i should really be taking my own advice since it still kills me every day too, but i deserve that. every second of it, i deserve it. you did nothing wrong, not one thing, so you shouldn't let it get to you this much after all this time. not gonna find another lie, well how about when you always said i was the best thing that ever happened to you. how about when you said that no matter what happened you'd love me, even in my fuck ups. how about when you said that we'd be together forever and we'd get through the hard times together and be stronger than before. need i continue or you got enough lies on your plate right there? so this is how it's going to be forever - you hating me because you're incapable of forgiving and forgetting? not the forgiving because i shouldn't ever be forgiven for what i did but at least be able to forget about me. not about what i did, but about me. then maybe you can move on and stop being so pissed off all the time. holy shit, that's hilarious. you give this big speech about how you're incapable of getting over what happened two years ago and now you're telling ME to get over you being a pain in the ass! you are possibly the biggest hypocrite i've ever met in my life. maybe i don't avoid your path because even if you're glaring at me, even if you're yelling at me, you're still looking at me and talking to me. i can take all this bitchy crap, i just don't think i could take having you completely out of my life forever. you didn't answer my fucking question, what the hell did you mean by "my precious little lia"? you don't know that she doesn't regret it and feel bad about it just like i do. i mean unless she's come straight out and told you otherwise, which i highly highly doubt. so you don't know that for sure. yeah, she can seem like a bitch but there's a heart in there somewhere, even if she tries to deny it to her own self. and that means she wouldn't be glad that she...did what we did once we were sober enough to realize what we had actually done. so it wasn't a waste of time now. or at least, y'know, until five minutes from now when you change your mind and decide that it was. [/center]
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Post by stevie annmarie christensen on Feb 18, 2009 19:05:38 GMT -5
stevie annmarie christensen [/size][/color][/b] is wanting to get out of the house.[/font][/color][/i] --------------------------------------------------------------------------[/center] behind infinity says, [/size][/color][/b][/center] well, i don't. and i know. trust me, i know. what i'm doing is anything but healthy for me. i tear myself up thinking about this every single day, if i'm lucky a few hours might go by that i won't think about it. i know two years is a hell of a long time, but it's just so hard to let it go. the more you loved the person, the stronger the memory, the bigger the wound. those weren't lies.. or at least i didn't mean them to be. at all. if the thought of me not having really loved you or you really not having been important to me or having been the best thing, then you can think again. if that was a lie would i really be sitting here two years later still thinking about the same thing? absolutely not. if i hadn't cared about you and fucking loved you with all of my heart, this would have been thrown out of my mind a very long time ago. forget about you? you must be kidding. i understand you waiting around waiting for me to forget about what happened, but i gotta tell you.. if you're waiting for me to forget about you altogether, then you're going to be waiting for an eternity. i don't want to forget about you, nate. i only want to shove aside all that crap that's been polluting my mind. hypocrite, yeah, okay. now you're the one telling me that you don't think you could take me being out of your life forever, when you just told me to forget about you. guess we have two beautiful hypocrites in this little conversation now. nothing. oh my god, why do you always have to grasp on to stupid things? just forget it. she hasn't come out straight and told me, no. but, i can tell you she finds pleasure in bringing it into conversation constantly, with that big beautiful grin of hers in addition. so, i can tell you that i'm pretty damn sure she doesn't give a flying fuck. don't be like that. it wasn't a waste of time now and it isn't going to be a waste of time later. you showed me what love was. you showed me what it was like to care about someone with every fiber of my being, what it felt like to be purely happy. that could never be a waste of time.
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